It's been a while since my last post partly due to being busy. The other part is this continuing internal debate I've been having since discovering neo-paganism and occult systems. Years ago I was a Christian. A very sincere dyed in the wool type. Several years of study and many more years of intense honest questions brought the whole show down around my head.
I never did loose my belief in God, just religion. I had too many what should probably be called "paranormal", if there is such a thing, experiences growing up, witnessed too many faith healing, and felt the presence of divinity and other not so pleasant entities much too strongly to ever stop believing in God in general. Not the Jewish/Christian God mind you, more the DIVINE CREATOR.
However, religion in general seems so ludicrous to me now it is sometimes difficult to marry my personal experiences with any sort of belief structure. Before you go saying that luckily doing so is not necessary in practicing magik, I remind you that nearly all if not all magikal systems were birthed from religion.
I now know Christianity is a false religion. However, I have witnessed faith healings. I am not a Buddhist but I clearly see auras. I don't have an ounce of faith in Gerald Gardner but I have felt the divinity in nature and have trembled in the presence of what I can only describe as the/a goddess. It's not that I believe there is really "something or someone out there". There is evidently a whole fucking lot of something out there and I am at a complete fucking loss as to what IT is.
Shit.
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Holy deep thought process batman! Wow, so often you go over my head, but I love watching it happen. It's as if your religion is thinking in itself. I love watching you do it because it comes so naturally to you, but at the same time you fight so hard to find your way through it. It truly is beautiful. So though I have no insight to help, I can tell you to never stop thinking, trying, searching. Because doing so would be denying who you are at your core. And I have a feeling that even if I had an answer for you, you would still find somewhere new to go.
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